Belly: Hey girl.
Jenn: You sound like a Ryan Gosling meme...
Belly: You're cranky because you had a late-night snack, stop projecting.
Jenn: That's accurate. Sorry.
Belly: Remember that morning a little over three years ago where you were trying to manage the worst, most crushing, breath stifling pain?...
Jenn: I know where this is going. Are you bringing this up because...
Belly: ... you're almost 38 weeks pregnant? Yes, I am.
Jenn: Ok, this is helpful to an extent, but...
Belly: And do you FURTHER remember that your last child was 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 22 inches long? That's a good sized baby...
Jenn: Yeah, a person doesn't forget something like that. Have you listened to the audio from our last labor experience? That's all the medical staff kept saying. "That's a good sized baby!"
Belly: I'm just trying to prepare you, psychologically, for what we're about to do in the next few weeks.
Jenn: I'm not prepared for this preparation [eyeing the shelf with the Nutella in the pantry]...
Belly: Don't even think it.
Jenn: Don't get me wrong, we are counting down the days until we get to welcome this new little person into our family, but I haven't allowed myself to fully remember the process that is bringing a life into the world. Remember the 'Thought Fragment' post? It's like that. I have, however, looked back through about 3000 newborn photos of D sleeping and being adorable. That helps. Also, I eat my feelings when I get stressed. You know that.
Belly: You want this kid to weigh 12 pounds?
Jenn: No...
Belly: Stop eating your feelings.
Jenn: I should also go to bed.
Belly: Agreed. Hey, what are you planning on wearing tomorrow?
Jenn: Em... I'm not sure. You're kind of limiting my clothing options... How about some kind of stretchy pants and one of Jon's button-down shirts?
Belly: UGH, you're killin' me, Smalls! Are you suggesting that plaid, flannel number that you're holding hostage on your side of the closet?
Jenn: Hey! It FITS! We're function over fashion at this point! I've got like, FIVE shirts of my own that I can drape over you without looking completely ridiculous. I can't justify the purchase of new, smocky clothing with only a couple of weeks left to go.
Belly: I respect your logic, but that thing makes you look like some kind of wayward, irresponsible lady-lumberjack.
Jenn: Jammies it is then...
Belly: Stop being a martyr.
Jenn: Fine. Kimono dress as shirt over jeans?
Belly: Done.
Jenn: Ok.
Belly: Ok.
Jenn: ...We can do this. We've done this before. And Jon the champion husband and labor coach will be there.
Belly: Unless you go into labor while he's driving to MN to pick up your mom from the airport...
Jenn: You wouldn't dare...
Belly: I'm just saying you should have a contingency plan in the event...
Jenn: We do, and don't even think about pulling a stunt like that while he's on the road.
Belly: I'll do what I can.
Jenn: Thank you. And thanks for physically protecting my baby for the last 37+ weeks.
Belly: Welcome. Thanks for running me into fewer people and counter-tops over the last week. I can see you're making a conscious effort.
Jenn: I have been! Thanks for noticing. Bedtime?
Belly: Bedtime.
Jenn: We can do this:)
3 comments:
I find you and your musings utterly delightful.
I love this Jenn! Here's to talking bellies that grow beautiful children. Hope these next couple weeks are full of joy and don't go by too slowly...or quickly. And nutella, yum! ;-)
Lizzie--thank you:) I hope you and your kiddos are happy, healthy and getting into some mischief every now and then to keep things interesting.
Keiz--congratulations to you on your newest addition too! Bellies and the children they carry really are amazing. Thanks for the well wishes, we'll see how long she decides to stay put!
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