In an effort to minimize holiday weight-gain, I took the shallow, financial plunge and invested in a work-out DVD and a set of hand weights (also a great excuse to run to Target during my lunch). My, how things have changed since 2008:)
You don't have to have experience with one of these home work-out programs to know that it's impossible to live-blog while you're exercising, but while I was supposed to be focusing on engaging my biceps, I thought, oh how I wish I could be blogging my inner thoughts right now...
They would have sounded something like this:
Workout DVD: Alright, let's get right into it with a warm up...
Jenn: Alright! This feels good! This isn't so bad!
[A few minutes pass]
Workout DVD: Ok! Warm up over...
Jenn: Well that was great for me! Let's call it a night.
Workout DVD: ...let's move right into cardio!
Jenn: (Sigh) Ok, this is what I paid for, and this is what she's known for. Man, when was the last time I did a jumping jack? What is that snapping? Are those my ankles? (Starting to feel winded).
Workout DVD: Ok, now let's make every minute count. We're moving straight into strength...
Jenn: (Panting, even in her thoughts) Ok, this chick doesn't mess around. Right. (Pant). On to strength. Good call on the lighter weights, Jenn. Don't be a hero.
[Several minutes pass]
Workout DVD: On to abs!
Jenn: (Thoroughly winded) WHEN IS THIS THING OVER?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN AND HOW CAN SHE CONTINUE SMILING WHILE DOING THIS? I hope my neighbors can't see me right now...
Workout DVD: I know you're tired...
Jenn: What a smug thing to say. You run on a treadmill of lies.
Workout DVD: (workout jargon)... butt kicks! Come on!...
Jenn: Why does it feel like I'm trying to run, waist-deep in sand? Come on, quads! Almost done!
[Several more minutes pass]
Workout DVD: Great work! Now it's time for a cool down...
Jenn: YES! I can't even lift my arms to fix my crazy, Beethoven-esque ponytail right now. I don't care--I made it to the end! Where is my water bottle?
Workout DVD: (calming workout jargon)...legs in extended v....
Jenn: Danger...
Workout DVD: You've just completed session 1!
Jenn: (still lying on the floor next to my embarrassingly small hand weights) Victory! Done!
Until tomorrow:)
4 comments:
You run on Treadmill of lies... Hilarious!
Hahahahahaha!!!!
I can't help but think what a great idea it was to send you to that summer school creative writing class.(was it 3rd or 4th grade?) Thanks for the lol.(literally) !!! :)
I have a form of that conversation every time I go to the gym to inflict pain upon myself. I don't think I'd ever have the discipline to do it at home, though.
Treadmill of lies, indeed. Awesome.
You know, Jonathan probably wouldn't be too upset if you became so angry at this lady telling you what to do that you throw one of your weights at the TV. Whoops. Time to get that 50 incher :-)
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