I say that from the vantage point of a person who is not in med school herself, just part of the unit that is going through the med school experience.
I say that it's a thicket, but if I wanted to compare it to something that I knew, I would say that it can sometimes feel like labor--as in birthing a child. It's incredibly hard, taxing work on all parties involved, requiring all of your energy, all of your focus, all of your patience. All of it.
You look for, and are encouraged by those interim milestones. And in the end your efforts pay off in the form of something that you love, that you're proud of. A gift for which you're responsible. However, no amount of preparation, or discussion, or forewarning can prepare you for the actual process. You just have to give it everything you've got.
If Jon and I didn't firmly believe that we were built to do this, to live this kind of lifestyle, I think our marriage would look very different. If we didn't lean hard on a God that was constantly redirecting our attention toward Him instead of each other's short-comings, I shudder to think how our life would look. The financial stress brought on, in part, by the staggering amount of debt you take on as a student, the physical and mental fatigue that comes with studying/working long hours and investing in the life of a baby and your spouse, the added strain of juggled schedules and exams that determine the type of career you'll have and the location of your next home. All part of the gig, and there are times where we feel these weigh heavily on our family.
Acknowledging this type of stress and forging ahead is part of the privilege of going through the process though. And we're incredibly fortunate. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's strong, and we have family and friends forging along with us, building us up according to our need.
Jon is incredible--he really is. He does for med school what Olympic gymnasts do for intricate tumbling routines--you enjoy watching him practice his skill because he makes it look effortless. The reality is that it's 9:02PM and he's still on campus studying--he will be the first to tell you that succeeding in med school is not effortless. I could devote an entire post just to his study habits; the point is that I appreciate his hard work in the library and at home.
I think both of us would agree that med school isn't as bleak as I may have just painted it, but I do think that we would agree that it has required us to be so much better as spouses and parents than we ever thought possible. That's where God comes in--we simply don't have the resources to do this ourselves. It's too much.
But when we remember that we've been called to do this, the insecurities fade and we begin being kinder and less frazzled. Its letting your husband sleep while you and your sick baby pull an all-nighter because his little nose is congested and he doesn't understand why he doesn't feel well. It's walking up two flights of stairs with your kiddo to retrieve your wife's car from the parking deck and bring it down to her so that she doesn't have to lug the baby, the diaper bag, the breast pump and her purse the 6 minutes it would normally take her to walk to the parking garage during the mid-day work/baby exchange. It's committing answers to another two hundred questions from your Q-bank late at night so that you can perform well on a test and get a good residency and provide for your family when the very thought of studying more makes you ache. It's not raising your voices at one another when you're at wit's end and you've both been deprived of so much sleep that you can't remember what day of the week it is and you walk out of the house in your work clothes and slippers.
And sometimes we fail. Sometimes we are not kind, but that's just sometimes. And sometimes we look back on a disagreement and laugh ("Did I actually suggest that you jump out of the car and into the bushes?"). For us, med school, like the rest of life, has just been a series of adjustments. And it's been good for our family and rewarding and yes, even fun! The truth is, it feels good to be doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing even if there are some heavy moments from time to time.
No comments:
Post a Comment